How To Renew Driver's License in Alabang Quickly

My favorite way of spending my birthday is with the bureaucrats at the LTO in Alabang. I get to spend some quality time with a good book, rub elbows with the masses, make fun of the cono kids, pee in a tiny cup and have a photo-op!

Here are some tips on how to do it in one hour.

Requirements:
1. Bring your old license and old receipt.
2. Drink 2 glasses of water an hour before. (You will need to pee for the drug test.)
3. Bring Php600. (P250 for license, 350 for medical/drug exams)
4. Make sure that you have not taken any marijuana or shabu.
5. Bring a pen and a good book.

When to renew your license:
Renew it before or on your birthday or else you pay an extra Php30 fine. Go on a weekday because there are less people.

What time you should go:
Get to the LTO first thing in the morning at 8:00am sharp. This is the secret to having it fast and easy. Processing is done by batch so if you arrive at 11am, you will have to wait for them to do their lunch break. Don't bother to go at 3pm unless you want to return the next day.

Process for renewing your driver's license
1. Go to window 1 inside the LTO, take a form and fill it up.
2. Take the form to the drug testing center and pay Php350.
3. Fill up the form that the drug test encoder gives you, give this to the technician in front of the toilet and pee into the small bottle.
4. Return bottle to technician and wait for your results. (Your name will be called.)
5. When you have your drug test results, proceed to doctor. He will take your BP, weight and height. Then you will be given a form that says you're healthy.
6. Go back inside LTO, give all the forms to window 1.
7. Your name will be called for cost assessment, photo, payment and collection of license. You will get your laminated card on the same day.

Tips and Tricks
1. Right before you pay, you will be asked to take a protective sleeve for your license. They won't tell you right there but it's not free, it costs Php25.
2. The regular license costs Php248 but they don't give change.
3. The bottleneck is with the drug and medical tests. They ask you to fill up the whole bottle which is difficult to do if you don't feel like urinating. There is only one technician processing everyone so you really have to wait. This is the reason you must be early.

Conclusion
The useless medical test takes 5 minutes and costs Php100. The drug test is overpriced and not exactly fool proof. Clearly just a big raket.

Bonus points though for the relatively smooth process. No fixers required here and no one jumps the queue. Rich or poor, pipila ka talaga. This is how it's supposed to be anyway. Minus points because of the sungit and unsmiling civil servants. But with such a tedious job as theirs, could you really blame them?